The Rallies, Corruption and Anna

Well finally tasted the season's flavour Anna. I,along with two of my friends participated in a rally which was supporting the Anna Hazare's version of Lokpal Bill.

There must be something in that man that is attracting thousands. There must be something in this movement that has brought out the urban youth,who are generally indifferent to politics. Well I guess that thing is anger. Anger against the very much visible apathy of the government towards corruption. The very arrogance of its ministers. The now (in)famous one liner "Zero loss in 2G" was such a show of arrogance. Add to this the silence of the PM on every major issue and like an excellent topping came the "Osamaji" statement. And hence the veiled attacks of the sarcastic Twiteratti spilled on the streets.

Well many people have said that Team Anna is being headstrong,adamant. But, what other option is there when we have to deal with a bunch of buffoons.

Granted the protests have been confined to mostly the big cities. Granted the protesters are the brand conscious,apolitical urban youth.But they are the biggest victim of the organized loot propagated by our politicos. They pay taxes and are presented with pot holes.They are promised stars but instead are pic pocketed by Government sanctioned goons. Anna Hazare and his movement for a stronger (and somewhat radical) Lokpal Bill,just gave these youth a voice.

These frustration and anger has spilled on the streets now. And there have been no unruly scenes. No broken glasses,not burnt buses.

But where the so called opposition parties? These parties now are just like those eye candies that piggy rides the super stud hero in an action film. They have been invisible,save for the customary press meets.

Team Anna wants the Parliament to pass their version of the law. The Parliament that is controlled by the very politicos,who will be the greatest victims of this bill. So it is futile to expect that they will bow down before Anna Hazare. So from here,where do we go? Frankly speaking, I don't know. For sure there will be a compromise.

And how to stop this menace of corruption.Well in a country,which runs on the principle of jugaad(Quick fix solution) the only way is to by first reforming ourselves. Because the afterall the Government is just the reflection of the society that it rules.

And hence Tupu Babu got married.

When the world was engrossed in Prince William and Kate's nuptial rites,I and a few of us were actually part of something which were even larger(at least in our very own realm) than the Royal wedding taking place in London. It was our very own Tupu Babu's(Aniruddha) marriage.

The earliest memory of this giant that I have is that of a bonsai Dilbert. He was a brilliant student but always susceptible to other's leg pulling! What surprised me and annoyed me too was that both of us were short a group of people who could play with us,because all the other blokes of our age were busy studying in the evenings too,so that they could catch up with Andy.

But as all great men does,we turned this handicap into our advantage. And hence we became the pioneers of "Chaad Cricket"(rooftop cricket).

Due to a variety of reasons Andy was always in the forefront in the popularity ratings among friends. I guess the reason was,it was very easy to pull his leg. On one such occasion he literally did try to pull off my whole set of hairs on my head.

Time passed and Andy joined college. There his popularity reached new heights. Heights that even the modern superstars can only dream of(among their fans). Andy was rechristened.And his legend grew.But as with all superstars,he yearned for privacy. And at times when he was denied this privacy,his frustrations manifested in violent outbursts.But these were mere aberrations. Andy was our star.The megastar. The cynosure of attraction among us.

And hence it was no surprise,that when he announced his imminent marriage,our friend's group went into a frenzy. It was a momentous occasion for us. The star among us was going to get married.People had hours long discussion about how to irritate this gentle giant.

Saikat and Suhel came with this "brilliant idea" of gifting me by wrapping me within a carton. And yes there would be pores to allow me to breathe. And the moment Andy unwrapped the box I would come out with a vuvuzela and play it right in front of his ears. But as luck would have it,we did not find a suitable carton. Instead I was just gift wrapped and presented.

And yes our star is now a much married man. I wish him luck. But I guess we all know,including him,that the leg pulling will go on. And he will be our star.

Best of luck mate.

Some of Andy's marriage snaps:

Jantar Mantar

As a child when I read about this place in Delhi,I had a peculiar feeling. The picture of this structure was strange,and my young mind imagine in numerous mystery spot.Today I see a seventy year old man,named Anna Hazare holding a fast unto death dharna there,so that the Jan Lok Pal bill has more teeth and is passed in the Lok Sabha.

I am no Gandhian. But after so many years,I do believe that his dharna are a very effective way. Our unscrupulous netas have turned this dharna into a very effective weapon of mass destruction.And since I am from Bengal,I have been a victim of this weapon on more than one occasion. But today I was amazed to see that dharna has jolted that insensitive Government.

We are a country that runs on 'jugaad'. Hence it's very to easy to understand why corruption has become a part of everyday life. Life here is series of quick fixes. Vehicle caught by the police,pay some extra buck and get it back. Passport delivery will be delayed,pay some extra money and get it done. Taking and paying bribe are not seen as immoral here India,rather it's the unwritten rules.

Today we might rejoice that people have won the round 1 against the government. But what the scamsters did was the logical extension of what we do and follow every day in our lives. The police,the traffic police,the Government babu asks for bribe,because we pay. Can we stop paying them? The answer ain't simple.If I stop paying there shall be ten others who will are willing to pay that extra amount to get their work done.

Hence all these hoopla surrounding the bill will be short lived,if we do not follow it up. I wonder why we are called an young nation? We needed an eighty year old to make us realise that we as a nation and society are impotent. And then we needed a seventy year old person to make us realise that we as a society are not impotent.

So what's the solution. I guess we all know the solution,but are we ready to implement those? Where the urge to make a quick buck is so pressing,where thinking beyond oneself is almost impossible,where quick fix and 'jugaad' is a way of life,can we? After all as I said the scamsters are nothing but just a logical and bigger extension of what we do in our daily life.

Bharat Ratnas of 2010

Technology:





A. Raja: He beats everyone hands down in the technology field. In many parts of the world 2G technologies have been replaced by 3G and 4G. But in India obsolete technologies can be milked to the tune of 176 lakh crores INR.(I excatly do not know how many zeroes will be there). He is BSc and a lawyer and yet he can challenge any Electronics Engineer of any institue and any repute to earn more than him. Thus he is my nomination for Bharat Ratna in the filed of Technology(or science!!)

Sports:



Who else? Move over Saina Nehwal,and Sachin Tendulkar. What have they done? Look at their investment and their return. Does it pay to make so much of 'investment'! Suresh Kalmadi has shown how to make the least investment to get the maximum return,and that too without kicking a ball. No wait or did he? But who cares. At the end he is the most successful sports person. Who cares about the sport he has played. Being the most successful in a sporting event is no mean achievement.

Entertainment:

Well here is a tough competition. There is Rakhi Sawant. There is the Giggling Queen.But my personal choice is Mr. Bawarchi cum Khansaba, Akshay Kumar.



Classics after classics after classics. Right from Chandni Chowk To China to the present day. His only die hard fans are the chemists as he has pushed up their sales of headache medicines.Our master actor(or should we call him something else?)is now playing,sorry essaying the role of an upcoming English fast bowler in the movie Patiala House. God save both the movie and English cricket.

Social Causes:

One person has single handily changed the face of Indian women. Who says she suffers in silence. Who says she has no say in the big bad men's world? She can hold them high in the air and then play ping pong with them. She is another name of perseverance.She is the eternal Didi of Bengal.Given a chance she can connect Washinton to Kolkata via Athens with trains,that will run every day.



Economy:




There is absolutely no competition in this category. Sharad Pawar. First you export onions and say "Oh!! see our trade balance! Marvelous" And then quietly ship in the same onions and say," I am the saviour" No more words. It amply describes his ingenious capabilities I guess.

The Uncategorized category:

She is the hope of insanity. She is the hope of anything that defies logic or wisdom.And she believes she is born for greater things like Nobel and not small things like Booker. She is Arundhati Roy.



You can go and shoot anyone and earth and say you did so because you feel oppressed by the Indian Government. And then you will see how unfathomable is her love for you. You will feel true ecstasy in the warmth of her love. She will show you unpublished articles and pictures and prove that Gandhi and Maoists are the same and one. She will prove you that Afzal and Geelani are India's last hope. Trust me she will.

Mumbai..

It was a Wednesday. 26/11/2008. I was in Bangalore. It was a typical Bangalore evening for me. Back from office. Tired. Hungry. Irritated. I saw my PG mates glued to the idiot box. A high voltage Hollywood style adventure was unraveling in the land of Bollywood. The only difference,it was for real. The blood,the fire. The blasts. And more frighteningly the deaths!

The Fourth Estate was in full flow. Giving us every minute detail.A lady went a bit overboard. Well that helped the villains,but gave her channel a few more TRPs.

The City of Life,weathered that storm.Life became normal in this megapolis. The sea of humanity,that this city is,engulfed all her wounds all her sorrows within herself. The rest of the country,got off their TV sets. The exciting film has come to an end. A few good Samaritans have died! They shook their heads. Swore revenge against the enemy country and a particular religion. Under some fake monikers,almost destroyed Pakistan over the net. And that's that. Over and out.

Today is 26/11/2010. Today is Friday. Salvation day for us software professionals. But today is also 26/11. And today I am in that city. Someone has called this city,City of Life,someone Maximum City,someone has sung E dil jeena mushkil yahan,and someone countered with e dil jeena asaan yahan...

Like any outsider who visited the city after 26/11/2008,I was also curious to see all "those" places.Well I disembarked at CST.What I watched there,can happen only here in this country. Almost no policeman. The people are again left at the mercy of their fate. Cama Hospital is just beside the station. I once again looked back,and a cold chill ran through my spine.

I took a taxi from CST to Churchgate. On the way saw the lights of BSE.That same BSE,where it all began.Took a local train from Churchgate. The local trains! Another target to show off barbaric heroism.

I have now visited The Taj and Oberoi quite a few times by now. The seductive Marine Drive,the claustrophobic local trains.. saw it all. They came in hordes. Fired zillions of round,and were not able to break even the tiniest bit of a Mambaikkar's will. Their will to live and survive.

Thanks to Hindi movies,Mumbai for the rest of India,is their City of Dreams. Their City of Hope. I was no different. For me Mumbai was the city of Amitabh,the city of Sachin Tendulkar. But the moment I reached this city,I had the same feelings as Naipaul had. I will be engulfed in a sea of humanity.

When you travel in a local train.that dream of Big B or Sachin evaporates into thin air. I was lucky,I did not have to travel much.But what of those who travel in those trains. I have not seen the trains that used to ferry Jews to Auschwitz,but were they worse than these?

The roads are another challenge. The traffic never moves. Anyways in all the other major cities of the country,traffic anyways does not move,so no big surprise here. The roads are broken. And again no big surprise. So what on earth makes even dilapidated flats' prices astronomical. I was given to understand there is something called Rent Act. Like all other laws given to us by our former colonial masters,this was also given to us by them. And we never bothered to change it.

I come from a city of street food! Street food's place in Calcutta is just next to God. Nothing earthly compares to it. From phuchka to Egg roll. Though the foods are vastly different,Street food here also has the same reverence. Vadapav,pavbhaji,missal pav,ussal pav and chats rules.

Well coming back again to 26/11. Nothing has stopped this city. Then what those bullets did? Except for abruptly ending some lives,nothing.Those bullets were impotent. The trains are filled,Leopold cafe is filled,and Gateway of India and Marine Drive are teeming with life. Chowpatty is still equally filthy with the left overs from the chats and vadapav,that famous street food I was talking about.

On a night while walking towadrs Marine Drive from the Chruchgate station,I saw a beggar. When I reached my destination I was standing by the side of Brabourne Stadium. In front of me was the sea. And the Queen's Necklace,beautiful and seductive. And the Nariman Point;Aamchi Canary Wharf!! Within a few minute I saw poverty,I saw India's obsession, cricket and I saw money. Everything is here. Standing on the concrete I saw people,people watching the Nariman Point and the Marine Drive.

And then I realized,no matter how many bullets are fired,how many bombs are blasted,this city wont stop dreaming. They will always have a hope.This unflinching,mercilessly calculating city;this city which moves like a clock,tick tock tick tick tock,has heart. The heart is tucked away somewhere,that we do not see. That heart,which forces it's people to pull in the people hanging precariously in the trains,put an umbrella on someone's head in the pouring rain,that heart! This city marches on. Someone's City of Life,someone's City of Hope...

Another Interview..

It seems I have become quite adept at taking interviews. Here is another one.

I was asleep,when I saw a huge ball of light. It was so so bright,and yet it was soothing. Then came a deep voice ."Son".

Me: Who???
Light(L): It's Me son. God.
M: Look buddy,have a life,stop this illusion and letme sleep.
L: Son. Listen.Come with me..
Me: What?? Wh..wh..where?
L: To the interview room. I have the triumvirate of secularism of your country..
Me: You want me too interview them...again...no no..Father/Mother..whatever You are..no no.
L: Son. Just sit beside me. I will interview them?
M: some kind of job.
L: Just watch. A part of Me will sit beside you,in whatever form you want. And as My formless Self i will go to them. Which form you want?
M: Whh..whatt..well anything..Shiva,Krishna..Jesus,Moses..
L: And Ram?
I smiled.

Well the main Interview:
Triumvirate(T) looked quite familiar. A bearded face. A clean shave confused face. Another clean shave,white haired face. The whole thing was in Hindi. Translated in English.

L: Welcome
T: Ok. What are You? God,Allah,Ishwar,Elohim..etc etc?
L; Whatever you people call Me.
T: We are secular people,we cannot call you anything. Be specific.
L: God
After a brief discussion among themselves;
T: Well,see I guess then You are a Christian.Presently You are not required in our Vote Bank.
L: Well then Ishwar
Another round of quite deliberations
T: Well look. We can..call You that. But the You have to be half Allah and Half Ishwar?
L: well they both are My names. How can I be half of each?
T: To hell..look light. If you are only Ishwar,we become communal. If You are only Allah,we can claim we are Secular..but someone else will call us communal..so see..
L: Sons you can call me anything. Ok call me El.
T: What?
L: Well I guess Jews call me that.
T: Jews..You mean yehudi..ha ha(laughs and laughs),You are not in our bank than. But if our Banks' managers hear that,our Bank will collapse.
L: Sons,you are getting this wrong. Call Me whatever you like. You can still be secular.
T:Joking?
L: Do something for your people.
T: No no no. There is a formula. MY,MD.
L: What are those?
T: Muslim Yadav. Muslim dalit.
L: Great.
L: sigh!!!!!!!!
T: What happened?
L: Thinking of the time when and why did I create you..
T: What? Anyways..
L: Just use this formula..Humanity..
T: What is that. Will we be still be Secular...no one will feel cheated?
L: Why will they?
T: Well Humanity will be Hindu,Muslim,Dalit,OBC what?
L: Sigh...
T: Answer..answer. You are nothing but a conspiracy of the communal force.
L: What do you want?
T: A burning,emotional problem. Then we show we are "SECULAR". And then use our Bank.
L: Go back..to your houses son.
T: we knoew you are communal,we are secular. We are going.
L: Listen. I will soon come. You might not see Me. But I will bring you back.
T: We are "SECULAR"
The Light has taken the form of Shiva and was sittting beside me. He looked at me. And smiled.

I am very very poor.

I recently got a bit of a hike.I was very very happy. Then I heard someone else also has got a hike. I invited them to my place for a tit-a-tit.After the tit-a-tit,I was left a bit dazed. Below is my humdble try to jot down those golden words pf these two great souls of our country!!

Me:Welcome welcome sirs!!

Mullu: Peeleze. Hindi mein baataon.(Please speak in Hindi).

Lallu: Arre naaaihhiin naahin...mullu you eespeak in eengleesh also. Saauresh Dada,u eespeak in Eegleesh..no proublem!!

Mullu: Bhaiyya..(But implied)

Me: Okk. Sirs yoou got a hike..
both stopping me abruptly

Lallu: you call it aaaaa hike!! Pagglaai gayore11(You have gone mad!). tin guna hi to baaddhe haain.(only 3 times,hike).

Me: That's ****** 300% hike!!

Lallu: Aur humhaar...22 haaton kaun khilaayeeb??(who will feed my 22 hands??)
Upaar se jamaai,sala..do you..aaaa...hebb anee idea??

Mullu: Humhara..to ek hi kaafi haain!(Mine one is enough).

Me:Sir,the perks you get..

Both in unison: Arrey aarey dada...hum Perk khaantain hi naahin.(We do not eat Perk)

Me: Sir,I mean Perks..the facilities..

Agitated. Arrey bole na kauno Perk werk humkhaate nahin.(We told you,we do not eat perk).

Me: Jo subidha..(the facilities)..

Lallu: Arrey.we are consstentlly tellinh you,there is no facilities. Chara ke liyen paaisa kaun dega. (Who will give money for the cattle fodder..?)

Mullu: And I hebb to build scools and estatues. Competition dekhen hon..(Have you seen the competition?)

Lallu:See. Your boss get how salary?

Me:Cheques.

Lallu:Arrey...uu kaa huhe paata naahin??(Like,I do not know that?)

Me realising..aah..eer...dunno,sir.Huge might be. Per Annum.

Mullu: So..hum to saabse upar hai.(We are on the top).

Lallu: Sarkari Mulazimo se...to baas..so just one ruppee more.

Me: Sir you people were talking about price rise. This money comes from the pocket
of those same people your were fighting for (or rather pretending!)

Lallu amd Mullu: Kaa?(What?)

Me: Nothing..

Mullu: Dekho Bhaiyyaa..mera desh..mera gaon..mera pariwar( My Country is my village,my family)
Aab phamily ki dekh bhaal kaaise kaarenge..(How will I look after my family?)

Me: Sir the perks you get adds uoto lakhs per month..

Mullu: Aab ek jhapar maarengey..( I will slap you)..aaur ekbaar bhi Perk bola na(If you once more say Perk!!)..

Me:Ok. My fault. (To Myself): Our fault.

Me(Aloud): Sir the media..

Lallu: Dich media is a complete dounkey!! Aare bekaar mein hi bakaar baakr kaartein hain..(This media person,,just uselessly chatter away!)

Me: Exactly sir. But you need them,,right?

Mullu: Even they need us..

Me: Ah!! Yes.
Sir,just imagine if you would have taken a bit less,and given that extra amount to your atate,there would have been so much development.

Both: Ka? develophmenth? Aarey dada,jisko idhaar rehena hai raahenge..baakiyon Mumbai,Dellhi naahin to Kalkatta bhej denge..(The person who does not wish to remain in our states,can go to Mumbai.Delhi and Kolkata).
Samjhe..(understood?)

Me. Yes. No.

Lallu: Aarey ka yes no yes no?(Arrey what yes no,yes no?)Zyada paaisa aayega..tabhi to desh ki sewaa kaareinge naa..(if only more money comes,then only we can do good for the country!)

Me: Really?

Mullu:Arrey yess..realliih!!Vote Bank kikasam..(Swear on my vote Bank!!)

Me: True true. The most amazing bank of our country.Always ready to give loans.And never send goons to recover them!!

Both: Ka?(what?)

Me: Nothing.

Both: Haan,nothing.

Lallu: Our basic,ij onli 60,000. Aaur,idhar udhaar milake..baas 2 laakh hi to hua..(The basic is just 60000,and with all perks it is 2 lakhs.)

Mullu: Ka hua re ..itna chup kaahein?(Why are you so quite?)

Me:Nothing.

Both: Aaur batao.(Tell something more).

Me: Tired. Sir.

Both: To hum chalein.( so we can leave?)

Me: Yes.

Both: Jai Hind.

Me: Jai..what?